Hooked on pablum…

The following Manning quote has been bouncing around my head and heart. “The ordinary pablum of popular religion caters to the idealistic, prefectionist, and neurotic self who fixates on the graceless getting worthy for union (with Christ), while allowing the protitutes and tax gougers to dance into the kingdom. Our strategies of self-deception persuade us that abiding restful union with Jesus is too costly, leaving no room for money, ambition, success, fame, sex, power, control, and pride of place or the fatal trap of self-rejection, thus prohibiting mediocre, disaffected dingbats and dirtballs, like myself, from intimacy with Jesus. “

Guilty as charged!

Why is it that I constantly feel I need to get or stay worthy for Christ’s affection? I guess that, as with everything else in this world, our worth is so often earned. As much as we talk about “God so loving the world”, mainstream evangelicalism may talk about the grace and love of God, but lives out the reality that we need to work to continue to earn something we have been freely given.

God…help me to recognize and reject contemporary Pharisaism and go deeper into an experience of your wild grace for me.

Sanitized Sins

Why is it that we sanitize so many sins? There is this list of stuff that most would unequivocally call wrong. This list makes us recoil in what looks like righteous indignation. These are the sins that seem black and white when we hear them out loud. Adultery. Sexual immortality. Theft. Murder. Abuse. Idolatry. (Not that most of us really know what that looks like today.) Whenever it becomes public that a fellow follower has been caught in these sins, we cringe in self-righteous piety wondering how someone could end up down this path.

But there is this other list of stuff that, while we would likely agree in principle that they are just as bad as the bad list, we live like these sins are not quite as…sinful.  These are sins of comfort and convenience…and much easier to justify. Greed is often disguised as being “blessed”.  Gossip is disguised as “concerns and prayer requests”. Anger is disguised as “venting”. Arrogance is disguised as “experience”. Gluttony is condoned as a “private matter”. Jealousy is justified as a normal response in an affluent society.  Judgmentalism is justified as “spiritual maturity” and conviction about right and wrong. We would never think about calling each other on these more sanitized “private” sins. But the reality is these sins are often much more dangerous than the more obvious “bad” stuff. The subtlety of the sanitized sins wraps us up in a spiritual pride that leads us to overlook the “small” stuff. Yet the consequences of the sanitized sins are every bit as dangerous to the community and testimony of Christ as the major league sins.

I read this passage today that is pretty clear about the consequences of the small stuff…  

Galatians 5:19-21 (New Living Translation) ¹⁹ When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, ²⁰ idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, ²¹ envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

Do we have the personal courage and corporate commitment to deal with the sanitized sins just like we would with the “real bad” stuff?

The death of personal responsibility

Do you ever notice when people talk about an unwelcomed situation in their lives that it’s always someone else’s fault. The situation I’d rather not be dealing with is: my bosses’ fault for not telling me enough information, my wife’s fault for not understanding me,  it’s my Pastor’s fault for not doing what I told him to do, my teacher’s fault for being so strict, my colleague’s fault for not meeting a deadline, the kid’s fault for not obeying…and it always somehow the governments’ fault.

Criticalness, fault-finding, judgementalism and blame is a subtle form of self-preservation that enables me to absolve myself of the personal responsibility of my actions. They enable me to feel better about myself compared against my perceptions about other people, no matter how right I think I am. This thinking gives me a false licence to avoid whatever it was that I did to get me to where I am.

You rarely hear people say, “Ya know…the situation is the way it is because I’ve made some really stupid choices.” Or you never hear people say, “Wow…did I ever screw that up!” We pridefully can’t handle the thought of admitting we were wrong or showing people the reality that things are the way they are because of choices I made or didn’t make. It’s much more convenient to blame someone else for the situation I find myself in. It’s much more comforting to live in the dream world that I am just a victim of someone else’s actions. And while there are victims and perpetrators in this world, the reality is that I am the common denominator in all my problems. No matter how much we feel that our present situation is the culmination of a past I didn’t choose, the fact remains that my future reality and perspective is completely my responsibility.

Empathy…the key to grace

Empathy…I read this definition:  “The ability to understand or enter into another persons reality, motives, situation and feelings.” It’s the ability to remove yourself from the center of your understanding and chose to see situations through another persons reality. Really…the opposite is self-centeredness and pride.

Our default setting is to evaluate, judge, and compare everyone to our experience, reality, sandards and motives. We can’t help but define normal as we ourselves are. We so easily think that our “normal” or our standards are the most right. We judge or critic people because they are not like us. They don’t feel like us, think like us, act like us or value what we value. While I obviously believe in absolutes of right and wrong, I also believe that we should rarely think we absolutely know what they are and absolutely know how to live them out.

Without empathy, we generalize, stereotype, and judge. Without empathy, it’s impossible to treat people the way Christ did. Without empathy, it’s impossible to live a compassionate life. Without empathy, we push people away by our self-centered expectations of them to become like us. Without empathy, we focus on the weaknesses of people rather than on their gifts and strengths.  

It’s much easier to empathize with those we like more or have invested the time to get to know. That is not the test of Christ-like self-emptying. While empathy might be easier for some, we can all learn to see and understand from the perspective of whoever it is we are relating too. We can all choose to shelve our generalizations and stereotypes before passing judgement. The result will be an ever increasing community of grace dispensers that draw people by the attractiveness of our humility and Christ-likeness.

For who’s benefit…?

A few months ago, it occurred to me that the reason I wish that people would change has much more to do with my benefit than their’s. When I really stop to evaluate my heart and when I stop and listen to people complain about other people, the reason we wish people would change is because it would somehow make my life easier or more…comfortable.

Oh…sure we talk about the need for people to become more like Jesus…and I don’t doubt that we mean it. But humanly speaking, I am usually ticked off that people aren’t “normal”…like me more than I am that they’re not like Jesus. If people would see things my way…act like I would…do what I want, the way I want it done…then I would be happier and my life would be easier. The more people don’t see things my way…don’t act like I would…or don’t do what i would do, the way I would do it…the more frustrated I get. My reason for wanting people around me to change is self-centered.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself about how much your self plays into people needing to change:

• Is your emotional well being tied to people agreeing with you? Do you get defensive when people don’t see things your way?
• Do you feel the overwhelming urge to control the way people do things because of your need for things turn out your way?…which is obviously the best way
• Why do you get so frustrated by how people around you act?
• Do people joke about you having a controlling or obsessive nature?
• How much emotional energy do you spend on situations where people don’t agree with you or where people don’t appreciate your way of doing things?
• Is your sense of “ok-ness” dependant on being stroked by those you lead or lead with?

Those with the gift of being able to influence others need to constantly take stock of our motivations. There is a fine line between manipulation and good leadership. For the sake of this argument, I view manipulation as trying to change people around me for my benefit or to make them like me. Good leadership, on the other hand, influences people toward becoming more like Christ.

A day at school…

I was talking to my son tonight about his day at school. He told me a story I remember all too well from my days at school. And while I vividly remember hating living through the moment just as he did today…I realized tonight that we do the same as adults.

He told me about how much he hates it when the teacher hands a test or assignment back and the scurry of comparing grades starts. Each student looking over at the desks and papers…hoping to confirm that they are better than everyone else…or hoping to disappear knowing that you are about to feel very small…compared to others. Always on lookout searching for ways of reminding people that you are smarter…prettier…more popular…or just plain better than everyone else the “handing back of the tests” moment is always there for the value vultures to swoop down and make someone feel a little bit smaller so they can feel a little bit bigger.  Kids and adults alike think they hide it. “Oh…”, someone asks as if they don’t really care, “what did you get?” And if, per chance you did score lower than they did, they take the moment to casually volunteer their test scores…just to make sure you know they are better than you.

Car’s, houses, friends, cloths, jobs, social networks, schools, titles, name dropping…all opportunities to do the same as adults…only the stakes are higher…because my pride is greater than that of a 10 year old kid. It seems that many of us never outgrew the need to compare ourselves to those around us…sizing up our lives to the lives of others to get some sort of idea where we fit in the social network chain or the pecking order at church, work or school. For those who don’t follow Christ I can understand it. But for those who claim they do…its even more sad. Why is it that we, who are the most valued in all of creation, can spend so much emotional time and energy trying to make other people look small so I can look big? How free we would be, and consequently like Christ, if we could be so solid in who we really were than we could be unmoved by what other people think of us or how they try and make us feel for their benefit.

Judgemental and critical…

The most spontaneous actions and reactions of people provide the clearest traces of their talents and strengths. If you want to get an immediate appreciation and understanding of people’s strengths look at what they yearn for (what they are most passionate about or interested in), what they learn most rapidly, and what satisfies them the most when they are engaged in it. As leaders, it is our responsibly to identify these in the people we lead and foster their specific involvement in those areas.

However, why is it that people’s most spontaneous actions and reactions are so quickly negatively judged? For example:

People who are brilliant at imposing order and structure? Anal.

People who claim excellence? Egotists.

People who anticipate and are always asking “What if?” Worriers.

People who are outgoing and social? Looking for attention.

People who are introspective? Arrogant loner.

People who are passionate about the future? Unrealistic.

People who can’t wait to act? Impatient.  

People who are great managers? Bureaucratic.

People who initiate? Reckless.  

People who seek the opinions of others? Indecisive.

We evaluate other people’s strengths against the filter of how they make us feel about ourselves and against our own strengths and weaknesses. The very qualities or actions in people we tend to so quickly criticize are the very best things about them and their most valuable contribution to the team.

Fighting over the “how”…

I’m constantly amazed at how, within the Kingdom of God, we take our preferences about how the work should get done and make them universal forgone expectations for everyone else. We never fight about whether or not we worship…we fight about how we should worship. We never fight about whether or not we preach the Word of God…we fight about how we should preach the Word of God. No one disputes that we should care for the poor…but there is much dispute about how we should care for the poor. No one would argue that we need to disciple our children…but many argue about how we should teach them.

It’s so easy for me to love what I love so much that I expect others to love it also. We arrogantly prescribe our preferences and passions for everyone else. And in the church, we have the unfortunate advantage of saying, “thus sayeth the Lord!”

While there are universal principles and commands for all Christ followers to follow…they are few. And I have yet find universal methods that apply to all churches, cultures, communities for all time. Lets be honest…our default “self” mechanism causes us to expect that everyone be “normal”…like we are.

Words to lead by (Author Unknown)

Looking for leadership? Look in the mirror.

A leader is a dealer in hope.

Vision is the art of seeing things invisible.

Where there is no vision, the people perish.

Study the past, live the moment, plan the future.

Leadership is action, not position.

There are no short cuts to any place worth going.

Don’t wait for your ship to come in, swim out to meet it.

Most things are difficult before they are easy.

Act like you are invisible, know that you are not.

Fail to honor people and they will fail to honor you.

Blame softly, praise loudly.

The more you say, the less they remember.

Be grateful for luck, but don’t count on it.

It’s not what happens when you’re there, it’s what happens when you’re not.

Think with your heart.

Authority is a poor substitute for leadership.

Hold everyone to a high standard.

Hold yourself to a high standard.

Listen and lead.

Remember, there’s always room at the top, but even more room at the bottom.

So, seek out people better than you, seek out people who are different than you, seek out

people who are braver than you.

The time is always right to do what’s right.

Keep your promises, keep your confidences, keep your temper.

Why not go out on a limb? Isn’t that where the fruit is?

Be out and about.

Enjoy the process, but crave the goal.

We will either find a way or make one.

Be not afraid of greatness.

Real leaders are ordinary people with extraordinary determination.

Perfectly Using Imperfection

I’ve just finished reading the Bob Pierce biography. What a gift to the leadership world. His daughter’s honoring yet honest telling of the Pierce family story is shared with rare transparency.

I’m wrestling through the questions of how someone so obviously used of God could so obviously miss the boat on such a significant aspect of his life? How could God speak to Pierce about where to go…where to preach…what significant kingdom risks to take…what ministries to begin…yet not speak with the same clarity about how to manage the affairs of his own household. Reading 1 Tim 3 this morning, spiritual leadership credibility is solidly connected to how a man manages/serves his household. And while there is always another side to a story…the fact is…Bob Pierce couldn’t or didn’t serve his family the same way he served the world.

Call it spiritual attack…mismanaged priorities…blind narcissistic leadership…I simply don’t understand why God didn’t bring it up with him. Why didn’t God change Pierce in the same way He was using Pierce to change the world?

Probably I won’t get those questions answered to any satisfactory degree. Yet what I do know is that Bob Pierce’s story was placed on my path by God (through a friend) at a very important time in my life.  I am so thankful that God perfectly uses imperfect people, but also so very aware that God cares just as much about the three people asleep upstairs right now as he does for half of the world’s population who suffers in needless poverty.

Here is a link to get the book:

http://www.blessings.com/catalogsearch/result/?q=man+of+vision&x=0&y=0